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 and feel good about it . . .  or how to say ‘Yes’ — and mean it.

It’s a two-letter word with such amazing power — if we choose to use it.

As a child, it can stop us in our tracks — depending on the volume of the command . . . and who is commanding. It doesn’t take long for child to discover that a wordless response is equally as powerful. A quivering lip and eyes brimming with tears are enough to dismantle a ‘no.’ It is likely to be substituted with a ‘maybe’ and eventually replaced by a resigned ‘okay.’ 

“No” means no — except when  ‘yes’ is a viable alternative.

As a teenager, the N-word can become a challenge. In the natural course of childhood, a parent sets boundaries and a child learns to live with them — or skirt around them or dive right through them.

Was that no directed at me?

If you say no, then I can say no, too.

Did you say no or just not now?

As a parent, you learn to choose your battles. “No” means no — except when a compromise is necessary  . . .  and life is full of compromises.

As an adult, I’ve failed to exercise my God-given right to say “no” to other adults. Ask me to help, ask me to bake, to volunteer, to join, to do you a favor. I’m inclined to say “yes”  without thinking — and that’s my problem. I don’t like saying “no” anymore than I like being told “no.”

I’m working on my “no”  issues. I shouldn’t associate the word with a negative. “No” can be positive, it can be healthy, it can be the right answer (and you know how I like to be right).

I’ve actually tossed out the No word a few times recently. I’m testing the waters — and I haven’t drowned yet.

No, I’m not available — not that day at least. Maybe I can a different day, just not now.

Is that really a ‘no’ or just temporary avoidance?

My kids know my ‘no.’  They’ll tell you I overuse the word — I beg to differ. I consider myself a firm parent, one prone to strict rules and high expectations.

Meanwhile, my children know I can be worn down, pressured, lulled into an unsuspecting moment of leniency. I can let a ‘yes’ slip without being fully aware.

I’ve adopted a “not right now” response in place of “no.” It’s a lazy answer, I suppose. At least, it buys me time.

No.

Please.

I said No.

Pretty please.

Not right now.

Maybe later?

Later, yes, that would be okay.

So I can then?

Did I say ‘yes?’

No.

Then that’s my answer . . .  What was the question again?