Cold enough for ya?

Keeps the riffraff out, right?

Ya, right.

Who’s the smart crowd here? Them or us?  We live here, in this godforsaken cold, or the riffraff who live where it’s nice and warm?

Chalk one up for the riffraff.

So, how cold is it? Minus 42 degrees in Blanchard early Wednesday morning. Figure in the wind and chill factors are in the insane range. 

The rest of the state was around the minus 30 to 35 degrees below zero mark.

Gawd, it was cold.

In fact, it was so cold . . . .

Tom Szymanski couldn’t remember what city he lived in and what station he was broadcasting from.

Scott Hennin was speechless.

Ed Schultz momentarily thought he was a Republican.

Gov. John Hoeven endorsed Barack and Hillary in the same Knights of Columbus speech.

Bill Guy told his family he wanted to run for governor again.

Joel Heitkamp changed his mind and wants to keep his job in the state Legislature.

Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty wants to be the Top Gun, not McCain’s vice president.

The Minnesota Legislature wants to trade Northern Minnesota for a piece of New Mexico.

Mountrail County wants out of North Dakota.

A county in northern New Mexico wants to take Mountrail’s place, but only in the summer.

It’s so cold that . . .

If Geo. W lived in North Dakota he would start talking like a Democrat.

His friend Karl Rove would never want to hunt anywhere else. Canadians make for great targets.

Wife Laura would be having coffee with Ed Schultz’s wife.

His father would endorse Huckabee, not McCain, and end up voting for Hillary.

It’s so cold that  . . .

The Minnesota Twins changed their minds: they want to play in a covered stadium.

The Minnesota Vikings want to trade places with the Miami Dolphins.

The Minnesota Timberwolves fired Kevin McHale and hired Sid Hartman as the team’s general manager. Sid managed the Minneapolis Lakers back when players wore hightop tennis shoes.

The Minnesota Wild wanted to play their hockey games outside. The lapse of sanity was temporary; the pucks froze to the ice.

How cold was it?

The January outdoor swimmers in Minnesota wanted to take the plunge in North Dakota, but couldn’t find any open water.

The Minnesota state highway department pulled all trucks off the roads until June.

North Dakota’s state highway department trucks wouldn’t start.

All airplanes in the state have been grounded.

All Fargo city buses drivers are telling riders to take a taxi.

Canada loves sharing the misery.

Stores have sold out electric blankets and battery-powered warming gloves.

Verizon is telling their cell phone users not to make calls while standing outside.

Law enforcement is telling people not to stand outside long.

People standing outside too long are being taken directly to the undertaker.

Undertakers are running out of room to thaw all the frozen bodies.

A significant number of undertakers are considering changing professions; too much business is not always a good thing.

It’s so cold that . . .

If Roger Clemens pitched in North Dakota in the winter he would need more than performance enhancing drugs.

Athletes said to have ice in their veins can now offer proof.

Riffraff are spreading the word: you don’t want to live up there.

Greyhound is stopping all buses at the border.

Burlington Northern never stops a train once it starts rolling through the state.

It’s so cold that . . .

The term uncharted waters has been replaced by: charted ice.

You couldn’t pay riffraff to live here.

The revelation that tells how more people are living in North Dakota in the summer than are living here in the winter isn’t rocket science.

It’s so cold that tongues are freezing to street lamps.