St. Charles, Missouri, is on to something.

The St. Louis-area community wants to ban swearing in bars, along with table-dancing, drinking contests and profane music, all of which are elements that lead to rowdy behavior.

“We’re mad as . . . heck, and we’re not going to take it any more.”

That said, the St. Charles City Councilman who introduced the bill is catching some heat.

Not at church, I’ll bet. Folks there are in the councilman’s corner, no doubt.

Meanwhile, newspaper writers and standup comics are having fun with suggested Missouri town hall law.

Jay Leno and David Letterman have material striking writers would be hard-pressed to make better.

Consider the poor bar owners.

“Hey, bud, watch the language.”

“You there, ya you at the jukebox, you can’t play that song in here.”

“Get off the table, honey. No dancing on the table tops, remember?”

“Cut it out, Joe. You’re already up two beers on your buds. Slow down.”

Good grief, what’s this world coming to?

And we thought the ban on smoking was going to kill the liquor industry.

Like I said, they’re on to something, down there in Missouri.

Swearing, table-dancing, drinking contests and profane music on the jukebox will, if you’re not careful, land you in jail.

It’s another example of reverse economic development. The town will lose revenue at the bars but think of the fines the city will collect.

St. Charles will need a bigger jail and additional jailers.

Of course, there is the down side. Families will go broke bailing their fathers and brothers out of jail.

How about the young guy, fresh out of college, who likes his beer and music, a swear word and cigarette now and then and who isn’t above paying a lady to dance on the tables. In short order, his police file will be thicker than his resume.

The kid will tell how his civil rights have been violated.

Tell it to the judge.

“Sorry, fella, but it’s the law. You’ll be singing the Jailhouse Blues for six months. Next.”

Ben Franklin once said, “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom.”

I’ll bet ol’ Ben is turning over in his grave.

Then again, he might think St. Charles is on to something . . .

Apparently, the righteous thinking of the Missouri city coucilman is catching on.

Just north of us, in Grafton, N.D., a minister wants the city council there to outlaw gentlemen entertainment.

Gentlemen Entertainment, the man of the cloth explains, is “just a euphemism for nude dancing.”

In his opinion, this “type of thing is neither for true gentlemen nor is it entertainment. IT IS A MORAL AFFRONT TO DECENCY,”

Men of already questionable character, once they frequent the Last Chance Saloon, will most certainly view all women in Grafton as objects instead of human beings, the minister concludes.

“Stand up and be counted,” he’s telling the people of Grafton. “We don’t need gentlemen entertainment here.”

The moral wave of decency will soon be sweeping the country, I suspect.

God is speaking through the minister in Grafton and the city councilman in St. Charles, I’m told.

Next thing you know, Mike Huckabee, a former minister, will be president, all bars will be outlawed, beer sales will go underground, swear words will be stricken from English language and dirty novels and magazines like Playboy will be history.

In fact, all the women of Playboy will be clothed, all cigarettes destroyed, all bingo halls shut down and all professional sporting events will begin with a prayer rather than the National Anthem.

Terrorists will no longer be a threat; Osama bin Laden will want to live here.

“They’ve cleaned up their act, I have to give them credit.”

Credit the Missouri city coucilman and a minister in Grafton, N.D.

They’re the architects.